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10.01.2018
Mnohí ľudia sú presvedčení, že mať doma ukričanú domácnosť je pre vzťah to najhoršie. V skutočnosti ale hádky prečisťujú vzduch a môžu mať aj liečebné účinky. Kým mlčanie môže mať úplne katastrofálne dôsledky, a to nielen na manželstvo, ale aj na zdravie jedincov. Partneri, ktorí sa uchyľujú k mlčaniu a prestanú s druhým hovoriť, začnú po určitej dobe vykazovať agresívne až neurotické správanie. Zároveň ich začnú trápiť poruchy zdravia. Potláčanie emócií oslabuje imunitný systém a dosť často spôsobuje močové a črevné problémy či sexuálnej dysfunkcie.

 

„Samozrejme, mlčanie samo o sebe nie je zlé. Niekedy napomáha k triedeniu myšlienok, ale akonáhle je mlčanie spôsob riešenia problémov, potom to možno považovať za absolútne patologickú formu správania. Ako ľudia môžu problém vyriešiť, keď spolu nehovoria?" vysvetľuje Gina Binderová.

 

Mlčanie je v podstate určitá forma vzdoru i trestu. Človek, ktorý si je istý svojou pravdou a nechce ustúpiť, sa jednoducho uchýli k tichu za účelom toho, že chce druhého donútiť, aby ustúpil. A zároveň mu chce dať  príučku.

 

Ale takto to nefunguje. Čím dlhšie ticho trvá, tým viac sa obaja aktéri v konflikte prestávajú orientovať a po pár dňoch už len vedia, že spolu jednoducho nehovoria. Bohužiaľ ani po tom, čo sa ticho prelomí, nenastáva normálna komunikácia, ľudia majú tendencie sa uchyľovať k výčitkám.

 

Ako s tým bojovať?

 

Zmeňte prístup - ak chcete vyzrieť na tichú domácnosť, potom začnite venovať menšiu pozornosť tomu, čo bolo povedané, a namiesto toho si radšej všímajte komunikačných vzorcov. Začnite hovoriť o tichej domácnosti s náprotivkom v okamihu, keď ste obaja v pohode, a skúste sa vzájomne vypočuť a spoločne nájsť spôsob, ako spolu začať komunikovať v okamihoch nezhôd.

 

Niekedy môže pomôcť utvoriť si heslá, ktoré v danej chvíli budú znamenať konkrétne dohodnuté pravidlá. Heslo môže obsahovať jednak to, čo sa mi počas hádky nepáči, čo sa nepáči tomu druhému, ale aj hranice, kde už končí miera tolerancie a podobne.

 

Dôležité tiež je, aby si mlčiaci jedinec sám sebe položil otázku, čo ho k jeho správaniu vedie a čo má za cieľ. Či chce toho druhého potrestať, raniť, podusiť či vychovať. A čo nakoniec mlčaním dosiahne...

 

Mlčanie je síce možná forma trestu, ale nikdy nefunguje ako výchovný prostriedok. K tomu je potrebná práve otvorená komunikácia. Ak je problém, je nutné o ňom hovoriť, aby k náprave a k vytúženej prevýchove mohlo dôjsť.

 

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